3 more days left of this year's holiest month in Islamic Calendar. Just can't help but to do some self reflection: Have I really utilized the month to the best of my capabilities? Have I finally understand the reason why this month is really important; is it because Al-Quran is descended on this month? Is it to feel what unfortunate others are going through every day in other parts of the world? To get closer to our Creator, Allah?
One might say all of them and more. A lot will say and quote the verse of Surah Al Baqarah (Ayah 183):
Sahih International
O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous I have to admit that growing up, Ramadhan is an important month, but I don't really understand the real reason behind all the extra efforts in intensifying your ibadah (besides getting more rewards); terawihs, qiyam, reading the Quran and ultimately trying to find Lailatul Qadr. As I grow older and going through some hard times in life, I begin questioning the depth of my knowledge of my own religion. Yes, I am thankful I'm born Muslim, but sometimes, you do things because you are accustomed to it. We questioned our lecturers, governments and a lot of other people, but for some reasons, religion is one thing I am not curious about for large parts of my life. What I know is I will follow the rules of Islam as often as I can as I don't want to go to hell.
This Ramadhan is a different one for me. I'm not saying I'm taking a 180 degree turn and completely turn into a religious person, because I know I will always make mistakes, will always have sins, intentionally or unintentionally, but Allah had open my mind and my heart that every single day of this month I had learnt something new about my religion, about the Quran and how beautiful our Deen is. That makes me realize that I have so many things to learn still. Will I have the time to really become righteous? To have takwa sought after by so many so that I can really enter Paradise? I pray that I do. Because I know so little it scares me.
What's amazing about this month is Allah's love. He asks us to read the Quran as a life guidance, so we don't go astray. He's training us this month to have more patience, do good deeds and face the next 11 months with the guidance and training we got out of this Holy month, a battle against our own nafs and against devils. He asks us to talk to Him, to ask for forgiveness because He is nearer than ever. And that is truly unconditional love. I regretted not having this curiousity or even the right intention before, but I really do hope I will improve and get better. May Allah keeps my intention good and always remember Him, bad and good times, Ramadhan and other months, Always.
Awesome lectures from a lot of scholars like Nouman Ali Khan, Suhaib Webb, local ustaz/ustazah on TV Al-Hijrah and videos from Quran Weekly helped me a lot this Ramadhan (May Allah reward them by sharing their knowledge with others). Last but not least, if you feel like you are a great sinner that you don't think Allah will ever forgive you, just watch the videos and you realize that it is never too late to repent. Never. If it has to start somewhere, better be today right? May Allah forgive all our sins and keep us steadfast in our faith. Amin.
Forgive Me Allah
Eid Mubarak/Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri peeps! Sorry for all wrongdoings that I've done. Stay safe and enjoy the festivities :).
