Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013 :)

Time for the usual end of year reflection. The virtual coffee shop is re-visited for looking back over the year and writing them on my idle blog.

2012 has proven to be another challenging year (and based on the things written here, an emotional one as well). Eventful.

Love is lost, but I don't lose hope. Whatever I have been through this year, they're all lessons learnt. I am a flawed person, what I can do is lowered my ego to ask for forgiveness for whatever pain I had put anyone in. And for people I love and care about to find their happiness. You can only stand up and try again. Hearts are not made of stone, hence I believe one day they will learn to love again :).

I have been interested in world issues: Israel-Palestine war, America's Election, Malaysia politic scenes, all the shits and wonders (more shits though) that are happening, they are both knowledge enricher and emotional wrecker. Fascinating that how much you can learn from observing and reading on these issues, but also they affected you in a way that you think the world is so screwed up you feel like moving away to an imaginary planet. Yes, empathy had me mad for things I have no control over. Well at least I have one vote to make some small change in my own country. And there are social medias to help out the suffering world. Call me corny, I am an advocate of peace and I believe everyone deserves a voice to be heard, and a chance to live a good life. All you need to do is read and evaluate. All you need is Google.

On a lesser serious note, Bruno Mars Unorthodox Jukebox is my Album of the Year, I have no Movie of the Year (maybe because I haven't watched Life of Pi or Les Miserables), Suits are my Series of the Year (but I also love HIMYM) and Call Me Maybe is my Song of the Year (Ok2, I'm kidding LOL). MU versus Newcastle was the most memorable match of football and Coconut Shake in Klebang Malacca won the Best Food of the Year (It can rival the new thai restaurant at PD Waterfront though).

All in all, 2012 had been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I thank God I have families and good friends to still keep me sane. And I thank God for giving me the strength to still keep a strong and positive front and have faith in HIM.

Keep Calm and Move On.

Bye Bye 2012, and Hello 2013!

Sometimes, Big Girls cry too.

I've been contemplating to write this post but I just have to.

I am facing the biggest challenge Life has ever thrown at me.

And I am drowning. I am not the best swimmer.

As corny as this sounds, I believe Time will heal. And whatever that doesn't kill you, will hopefully make you stronger (and a better person hopefully).

It's time to grow up and be a big girl now.

In the end, I want my life to make sense to me.

I believe HE has a better plan for me Insha'allah :)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2012 :)

Dear God..
Kindly give me patience..
Kindly give me optimism...
Kindly give me good attitude...
Kindly give me love and not hatred...

Humans are full of err... I apologize to anyone whom I ever hurt. Knowingly or not. I know I have issues, I have dark side...but I'm trying really hard here. I just want to live a happy life. And bring happiness to people around me. Life is too short to be an angry person.

In this month of forgiveness, I put ego aside and simply am sorry for my wrongdoings.

And as usual, music reflects what I feel. I hope I can do more good things(and less bad things) in my life!

"I want to say I lived each day, until I dieAnd know that I meant something in, somebody's lifeThe hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leaveThat I made a difference, and this world will see"

Hi.

I just feel like writing today.

2012 already cross the halfway mark.

I watched HIMYM (one of my fave series) just now where Ted and Marshall (and later Barney) will watch Star Wars trilogy every 3 years and predicted what they will become in the next three years (in career and personal life). And they didn't turn out to be right.

Suddenly I started reminiscing about the past and wondered if I ever make such prediction. Well, I have always expressed that I wanted to travel the world (which I am blessed to do each year since I have graduated) and be able to repay back my mom (which I hope I am able to contribute more and more each year by having a good paying job) but never in personal life. I don't have a cut-off date on when I should get married or have babies because those are very big milestones in anyone's life and I don't want to set any expectation.

And I don't want to do things just because the society expects me to do them. I am kind of a hippie in that sense. A bit rebellious in another term.

I wrote before that I was becoming an angry person. That was months back. Largely due to stress and fear. I still have mood swings every now and then, but I am a much happier person this time of the year. Life seems to be on track, and I am embracing the fact I will embark on that milestone I was talking about earlier. With someone who knows me very well and still want to be with me, despite all my flaws.

Ted, Marshall and Barney might be wrong in predicting their life in three years, but they all ended up with something better.

I hope I will too, by God's will :)

Untitled.

This is going to be a not so long post. I just need to vent.

I'm becoming an angrier person. Why? Still puzzles me.

I'll end up hurting everyone I love and loves me if I keep doing this.

Such an emotional wreck (with baseless reasons to be).

Frankly, I don't want to be one of the masses. I hate it when I need to conform to that expectation.

Help me God. I just want to be happy.

One Sunday Evening...~

Okay,

Sunday always rain. And rain makes me mellow, hence the writing begins. What's with the sudden frequency of writing? They said the Mayan said this year is end of the world, hence everyone needs to fulfill their bucket lists.

Do I have a bucket list? The bottom right corner says so. The Bucket List before I turn 30. Looks like I have fulfilled most of them (I sometimes forgot I made them but the blog reminded me, so this blog is useful after all :)).

I think if God is willing to let the year continues a good more years, screw the Mayans prediction (and let me live of course), InsyaAllah I can fulfill all of them.

What's with the bucket list? It aims to motivate me. I think I should come out with a more outrageous ones, to push me outside my comfort zones. I have few things in mind that I think not many normal people can do, hence I'm gonna share them in this post, hopefully after few months (or years), look back at these posts and said, I've done at least one of these outrageous items! Let's take a look:

1. Bungee Jumping/ Sky Diving - I am scared of height. Oh well, more to scared of falling (explain the reason I never like roller coasters). I did roller coasters, now let's see if I have the balls (guts) to do any of these. In New Zealand ideally :p.


2. Attending Grammy/Emmy/Academy Awards/Prestigious Awards - Long shot!I can easily score passes for local ones but it was my shallow side that always long to be in any of these awards. And wear a dress. And feel like a celebrity. Feel important. I have to search for contests for this one then! :)


3. Watch a World Cup match - This is possible but God knows where I am / doing every time World Cup is ON. If I do this, I will complete my football checklist (EPL - Checked, Champs League - Checked, World Cup - Pending)


4. Meet my idol - I've met some of them, I want to be inspired by meeting the rest. Namely Richard Branson and/or Oprah. I still don't lose hope!


5. Mentioned in paper/website. Another long shot, as I need to be famous to be talked about, let's see if I can make this a reality.

I'm going to stop at 5, because I'm a realist. I'm going to keep on making resolutions/bucket list as I do believe in aiming for the stars, for if you fail, you can always reach the clouds. I'm such a corny person.

"The world is awesome, it's humanity that sometimes just sucks - Top Commenter, Youtube"

Sunday Rants.

I have the need to write. Because I am somehow felt overburden by dark feelings. I think I'm affected easily because I am an empathetic person.I am easily inspired, I easily get paranoid, all kind of emotions, from one extreme to another one in a split minute.

I guess everyone has a dark side. The level of darkness is what separate people. How much you are showing your dark side is another spectrum. I always believe people have alter egos. A character (either good or bad..or just different) that nobody (or limited people) are aware of. It's a form of escapism in a way. It's a battle everyday to let good conscience take over the bad one. That is why it's very important not to judge people quickly. A seemingly good samaritan might have dark secrets while the obvious asshole might be a discreet philanthropist. You get my drift.

Hence I need my faith to hold on to. I know I'm a sinner, knowingly or not, and I believe that Judgement Day will decide if I am a good enough person to go to this beautiful place called Jannah. Or not. As the world has legal system, I believe the afterworld has too. The difference is, you can escape the world legal system, but God saves all the proofs and you can't runaway from it.

Yes, I've been watching Dexter, hence the expression writing. It's disturbing and intriguing at the same time, I am overwhelmed by the whole concept of the series. I can relate to his monologue, I'm not saying I have the tendency to kill people as I am still sane, but about life and characters. Like I said, I am an empathetic person, hence easily affected. I alternate watching Dexter with something positive as I want to avoid letting it gets to me so much. I guess writing about it shows how much the show affects me in some ways or another. Human characters always fascinate me.

In the end, life goes on. While it still can.

Let Light prevails Darkness.