Ramadhan 2013 - A month of reflection

27th Ramadhan 2013/1434 AH. 


3 more days left of this year's holiest month in Islamic Calendar. Just can't help but to do some self reflection: Have I really utilized the month to the best of my capabilities? Have I finally understand the reason why this month is really important; is it because Al-Quran is descended on this month? Is it to feel what unfortunate others are going through every day in other parts of the world? To get closer to our Creator, Allah?

One might say all of them and more. A lot will say and quote the verse of Surah Al Baqarah (Ayah 183):

Sahih International

O you who have believed, decreed upon you is fasting as it was decreed upon those before you that you may become righteous 

I have to admit that growing up, Ramadhan is an important month, but I don't really understand the real reason behind all the extra efforts in intensifying your ibadah (besides getting more rewards); terawihs, qiyam, reading the Quran and ultimately trying to find Lailatul Qadr. As I grow older and going through some hard times in life, I begin questioning the depth of my knowledge of my own religion. Yes, I am thankful I'm born Muslim, but sometimes, you do things because you are accustomed to it. We questioned our lecturers, governments and a lot of other people, but for some reasons, religion is one thing I am not curious about for large parts of my life. What I know is I will follow the rules of Islam as often as I can as I don't want to go to hell. 

This Ramadhan is a different one for me. I'm not saying I'm taking a 180 degree turn and completely turn into a religious person, because I know I will always make mistakes, will always have sins, intentionally or unintentionally, but Allah had open my mind and my heart that every single day of this month I had learnt something new about my religion, about the Quran and how beautiful our Deen is. That makes me realize that I have so many things to learn still. Will I have the time to really become righteous? To have takwa sought after by so many so that I can really enter Paradise? I pray that I do. Because I know so little it scares me. 

What's amazing about this month is Allah's love. He asks us to read the Quran as a life guidance, so we don't go astray. He's training us this month to have more patience, do good deeds and face the next 11 months with the guidance and training we got out of this Holy month, a battle against our own nafs and against devils. He asks us to talk to Him, to ask for forgiveness because He is nearer than ever. And that is truly unconditional love. I regretted not having this curiousity or even the right intention before, but I really do hope I will improve and get better. May Allah keeps my intention good and always remember Him, bad and good times, Ramadhan and other months, Always. 

Awesome lectures from a lot of scholars like Nouman Ali Khan, Suhaib Webb, local ustaz/ustazah on TV Al-Hijrah and videos from Quran Weekly helped me a lot this Ramadhan (May Allah reward them by sharing their knowledge with others). Last but not least, if you feel like you are a great sinner that you don't think Allah will ever forgive you, just watch the videos and you realize that it is never too late to repent. Never. If it has to start somewhere, better be today right? May Allah forgive all our sins and keep us steadfast in our faith. Amin.

Forgive Me Allah

Eid Mubarak/Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri peeps! Sorry for all wrongdoings that I've done. Stay safe and enjoy the festivities :).

Just Sharing.

Just sharing an advise that I think is brilliant (and perfectly timed with the wedding season) :). I think I'm beginning to be happy again. With the help of a handful of awesome people (you know who you are). Have a good weekend everyone!

Marry your best friend (by some random guy on the world wide web)

I am truly amazed that I have the most successful marriage of all my friends -- going strong after fifteen years. Most of my friends are amazed, too, because, growing up, I was the geek who couldn't get a girlfriend. I had almost no relationships until I was in my mid twenties. I got married at 29. I'm now 45 and still deeply in love. Meanwhile, I have seen so many of my friends get divorces and/or grind their teeth through loveless, combative relationships.

What I've noticed about these people is that, 90% of the time, (a) they got married really young and (b) they mistakenly thought that long-term romances work best when when they're based entirely on lust and trivial shared tastes (e.g. "We both like the same bands.")

Sometimes, I hear people say things like, "I've been dating this guy for a year. We get along okay, but sometimes I think about leaving... How do I know if he's 'the one'?" This makes me really sad, because it's SO obvious to me that my wife is 'the one.' Why? Because she's my best friend. Whenever anything good or bad happens to me, she's the person I want to tell! When I need advice, she's the person I run to! When I need to laugh, she's the person I joke around with!

If you don't KNOW that the other person is 'the one,' he's not (or she's not). And though it SUCKS to be alone -- believe me, I know. I was alone for YEARS -- it's better than settling. DON'T settle. You'll STILL be alone. It is very possible to be alone while being in a relationship. Many people are.

(Let me be really clear about what I mean by "don't settle." I don't mean "look for someone who is perfect." No one is perfect. I mean that if you feel luke-warm about someone, he's not the one. If the person you're with makes you continually unhappy, she's not the one. Don't settle for THAT because "it beats being alone." It doesn't. You evolved to think it does. Your brain will continually tell you that it does. It doesn't.)

The other sad thing I hear is "Bill is my best friend. We have so much in common. He's always there for me. We talk for hours. I completely trust him and we have the exact same sense of humor ... but ... I don't know ... the spark isn't there..." 

When I hear this, I don't say anything, because it's none of my business, but I want to scream "GET OVER THIS 'SPARK' THING! STOP BELIEVING IN HOLLYWOOD VISIONS OF CATCHING SOMEONE'S EYE ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM! You found someone you connect with on SO many levels, and you're not getting down on your knees and proposing?!? Do you think you're going to find 30 more people like that in your life?!?" 

The "spark" doesn't last, anyway. I'm not saying that sex dies or anything. I'm just saying that incredibly exciting, new romance feeling inevitably fades. But, if you're lucky, what comes next is much, much better. You spend years in that loving, warm place with the person you know you want to grow old with. And if you have good communication with someone, the spark can come later, even if it's not there at first. 

Lots of people seem to learn this after a long time and a lot of pain. They marry the "bad boy" or the "hot chick" instead of their best friends, because doing so is more exciting. Then those marriages -- which are based on nothing -- fail. Sometimes, if these people are lucky, they later marry those best friends who they should have married in the first place. If they're unlucky, they can't, because the best friends have moved on.

Where True Happiness Lies =)

I want to set a positive tone to this post.

Most people, at one stage (or even more) in their life, goes through hard times, feeling like everything is working against them.

And each time, you will try to pick yourself up, dust off your shoulders and move on. Easier said than done right? Some even falls into depression.

I won't be a hypocrite and say I'm a truly positive person. I fell into the category of "why me" a lot of times. I sometimes envied other people lives and wished I was in theirs instead.

Usually the phase will pass and I will be regretting the so called 'depression' mode that made me an ungrateful and negative person. However, I won't say it's completely a waste, especially in my recent 'dark' times, as it really taught me a lesson or two: this world is indeed temporary. What is real happiness? Nobody has the textbook answer to the question. Putting the ideal worldly definition: To be rich, good looking, have a picture perfect life, yes, some might agree with that. But as a muslim, you should look beyond this life. It's a concept we are all aware of (yes you either go to Paradise or Hell, so make good choices) but do we really get it? We are imperfect, we can't be making good choices all the time (even our intentions are at stake everyday). Hence, we need constant reminder. And Allah indeed knows us best. He tests us constantly, for us to really understand the meaning of life. For us to pass this big exam (like how our tests build up to our final exam) and get the most desired result: Jannah. Allah is indeed the Greatest and loves us all.

So, what do we do when we have tests? We study. And today, so many materials readily available. Facebook, Youtube, Google....all you need is a click away. I used to listen to songs, watch movies, read all the quotes when I was sad. I read the Quran and pray but I admitted it, I don't really dig into the meaning of the ayahs. I felt at ease spiritually but the cycle will repeat when I was tested. Nowadays, I am beginning to appreciate the beauty of Quran and I hope it's not too late for me to really grasps all the words that my Creator is conveying to make me realize that nothing in life is worth being stressed about. And for me to look into Rasulullah S.A.W (peace be upon him) sunnah and behaviors to make me a better person than what I am today. In the end, those are the two most important books for me to pass the final exam. Hopefully Allah keeps on reminding me (all the time) and surround me with positive people, Amin. I hope whenever I'm going through difficulties in life, this post will remind me, that this, shall too will pass :).

"I came back to you because I could not find the kind and decent things I found in you anywhere else" - Rumi

Everyone has a reason to run..what's yours?

Time really flies. Like literally because flying is one of the fastest way to get to places and boom, you're already in the end of first quarter of 2013.

Yes, so many things occurred in the world nowadays. Social Media has never been so imperatives for people to voice out opinions (albeit some of them are blindly done based on emotions or lack of truth) of the current issues. It's ironic when internet should make our lives easier but having too many school of thoughts nowadays make it time consuming to weed the right information to receive.

I still pray everyday for world peace though. God is listening :).

In personal life context, I have a confession to make. I was going through a dark time and getting through the days had not always been a pleasure. I didn't want to appear to be weak to others but I learnt throughout these times that expressing my emotions are my way of dealing with negative feelings. I've been reading a book titled "Happiness in Hard Times" (I know it sounds too literal) but the book was/is what I need at the moment. It tells you to accept all your flaws and your hardships and change the way you think about them. Anything that is beyond your control is not worthy to consume all your time and emotions dwelling in them. And reading other examples of people harder times made me realize that God still loves me and knows my limit of endurance. I needed a wake up call and the book did that for me.

Yes, I still need time to get back and up, walking and running. Talking about running, I completed my first ever 10 km run in less than one and half hour! I used to hate running, but the run was what I needed too. It felt so good :). No wonder Forrest Gump loves running. LOL.

I am putting ego aside, and I want to ask for forgiveness from everyone who was affected by my sombre mood. I vow to myself (and others) that I will try to be happy everyday and keep a positive outlook for life. The best take from these, I feel closer to God than I ever been. There's the silver lining and I hope Allah will always guide me to become a better person Insha'allah. Amin.