My DREAM

I want to tell you about my real dream (yes you, anyone who's willingly spend time to read my blog). I guess in a way, blog gives the public a piece of yourself. Maybe you think you are not understood by the world, or simply because you feel writing relieve the burden of having thoughts stored and generated in your hyper active brain, although others seems to suppress them easily somehow. Anyway, sharing is caring. So here I am, giving my brain a break. Thus these thoughts that I’ve been having can be freed to the world by appropriate choice of words. Sometimes I think my musings are rubbish. But when I got comments with positive remarks, they just light up my spirit (and my day). So, blogging is not a waste of time after all (not to me at least). I begin to see that there are many people who are caring enough to share their thoughts and their view of world matters. More over, blogging helps in realizing one of my main passions (or even ambition), which is to become a journalist. A photo journalist to be exact. Photography and writings are the two things I am deeply fascinated about. I know you have to have big talents to be one, but I am contented with my capabilities in both. Yes, surely I want to be better, but I’m taking a little step at a time. I’m not so good in multitasking, so I have to prioritize my studies and my future. Although that future involves things I do half heartedly. So, back to my dream.


Besides my passion in those two, I dream of opening up a café with combination of books, photography and coffee as the main concept. Where their enthusiasts can chill while enjoying things they love. They can read, submit photographs to be displayed and have the best coffee in town. Alas, I know I have to work hard to realize that dream. I will work as an engineer (hopefully a good one), earn money and strike up a partnership with people I trust. When I put my plan into words, it doesn’t seem too impossible to achieve right? So hopefully one day I can wake up, take a sip of coffee, reading my favourite story book while facing the beautiful pictures from my own café=).



Something like this...:)


P/S: If it doesn’t work out, I have to accept that God has planned something else (something better for me). But I will try to have faith (and efforts). Wish me luck! =)

Raya 2007

First Syawal had passed by. Every year, I never fail to reminisce the DAY (or days) into words. No exception for this year. In fact, this year, I can tell about my festive Aidilfitri with the help of photographs. If I’m about to put all the pics in this post, I’m not sure if they can fit the whole page. There are two things about my families (cousins to be exact) people should know. They love cameras, and singing. I think love would be inaccurate. Obsession more like it. Ha-ha. I guess some of those obsessions apply to me too. All right, here goes my Raya story.

Eve of Raya

After hard works of the whole day (anyam ketupat, cleaning up the house, last minute shopping, and definitely last Buka Puasa), this was the night we were all looking forward to. After Maghrib prayers and Takbir, the cameras started clicking away..

This is just the beginning:p (btw, the date on the camera was totally off track. Duh)

This year was more happening than last year because nearly all my cousins, aunties, uncles were back at Rasah, our kampung (it’s a Taman actually) which used to be my home for years and years. I’ve been living in Rasah for so many years, thus to be back there even for a short while brought back all the memories. In fact, me and my cousins love reminiscing of the good ol’ days. How arwah nenek would kejar us with rotan around the house. Me mengaji with nenek with my tears flowing endlessly after been rotaned, arwah atuk with his famous-and-so-sedap-but-during-hujan-only nasi goreng. Gosh, I miss them so much. I pray to God that they will be in the group of solehs and solehahs. Amin.


Erm..big kids who still think they were kids..And the real kid…hehe

So as usual, the bunga api and mercun session. I think us grown ups were more enthusiastic about it than the kids (or we simply took over from them. Haha). I don’t know when this inner childishness will stop but hey, nothing wrong in being a child once a year right (or maybe few times a year :p). And then, a ritual we do every year since the past few years: makan2 at ANW. The only setback was I never really get ALL my cousins to go. Never the less, it was fun, and noisy. Yes, we were bunch of noisy people with poses every time the cameras were around. That’s why we were the center of attention :p. Always. Haha.

Few of many pics we took that night…Yep, more like girls nyte out..Only 3 heroes were there..:p

So we went back, exhausted and very much ballooned (term I used for eating too much: p), gossiped and went to sleep in the living room. A great eve of Raya indeed=).

First Raya

I think this year’s first Raya was calmer than last year, although there were more people. Due to some of us woke up early, thus the fight for toilets were not that gruesome anymore (I think we are maturing with time:)). However, the most awaited forgiving and duit Raya session would always be the best time of Raya (I have like one more Raya before I stop getting duit Raya:( )

The annual Raya pic at Rasah..Not all of us were here though

Then off to Masjid at Kuala Sawah, tok nyang, nek nyang, atuk, nenek graves. Afterwards, the beraya session to houses around Rantau. Again, I was pretty much ballooned. Not forget to mention that in every house that we go, the pictures were always taken. And we would be like jakun people who never see a camera before (Or imagining we were celebrities for a day. LOL).

Rasah’s Beautiful (fool) Girls..haha…;)


Different house, different location, same people...:p

Second Raya

Nearly all the family members were here (Except for some including a baby left in the car by the parents who rushed to get their pictures taken. OMG!)

A picture can tell thousand words. The annual Kawal family gathering was another function we never miss to attend. This year was more or less the same as the previous years (except for the increasing numbers of our family members). To add another good news was we won MOST of the lucky draws (the atuk2 would say, “asyik keluarga Kamariah je.” Sorry atuk2, we just got lucky!:p). Plus, we just found out that our Tuk Nyang (or great tuk nyang..or great2..Haha) was from royal families in Pagar Ruyong. The families had Teuku in front of their names but eliminated it due to fear of enemies…Wuhuu, I had royal bloods. Again, the poyoness strikes. Ahaha.It’s fascinating to hear about your roots and heritage. It makes you value your families more. Basically, this Raya, again, showed me that families are the foundation of my life, which keeps getting me stronger as times pass by. Basically, I don’t think there’s anyone whom I love more than them. Je’taime, moi familia. So there goes my Raya story. I’m looking forward for next raya!:D.

L-O-V-E

Our brain works perfectly well 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...until we fall in love..:p

Have you ever seen a stranger on the road and suddenly you feel the tingling sensation inside? Like she / he was meant for you all these while? Love at first sight, that’s what some experts call the situation. However, in reality, we might call that strong attraction simply an eye candy moment. Where attractive male / female caught your eyes and you felt some excitement due to human nature trait: Fondness of beautiful things in life. Or maybe that someone doesn’t really have a striking look, but attracts you due to your own preferences in the opposite gender. Let it be their height, body type, eyes, smile etc. I am no believer in love at first sight although I am a sucker for romantic movies with those eye-to-eye-then-leads-to-happily-ever-after moments. I am a girl after all. He-he. I think (and hope) I am rational when it comes to the subject of love. Love is very subjective, yes, everyone knows that. Everyone can have their sayings on this matter. My interpretation of love? When he won’t question my actions for my family, especially for my mom. And when he leads me to the right way of faith. I think those two are sufficient enough. Maybe if I’m lucky, I can have those and other additional traits. Hopefully God hears my prayer. Amin.

Then again, sometimes I think I tend to be like most people. When we like the surface, we like to believe that the insides are as perfect as our wish lists. Some of us work hard to achieve that perfection until we realize we can’t force a goat to eat meat. Or like Malay proverb said, “Bagai menunggu kucing bertanduk.” People simply said they fall out of love. I sensibly think there's no such thing. I think we judge too soon, involve too deep, then we realize he / she is not the One. When that occurs, we had already sacrificed our time, money, energy, strength of faith etc. for the dreaded moment: The Break-Up. I might sound harsh or maybe ignorant to those who had experienced the heart breaks of love (My once experience with heart breaks was somehow easy but bitter till now), but I think we can avoid all the hassles if we try to assess our values and wait just a bit longer. And it doesn’t hurt to listen to people who really care for you (Note: Families and Friends).

Like I said, everyone has different opinions when it comes to this topic. Maybe that’s why this topic never bore us; they are everywhere from daily conversations to movies to songs. They all share one aim: To find the meaning of L-O-V-E. Maybe someday we will, maybe we won’t. In the mean time, I will try to neutralize all these ‘maybes’ by having hopes and faith. With a little bit of efforts .I am a believer of love after all. In my own interpretation.This is a quote from someone I find intriguing:

“If it’s the eyes that judge beauty, it will be more to lust. If it’s the heart, it will be more to trust.”

I trust my heart. But hopefully I don't let it overrule my brain=)

Fantasies.......~~~

Okay, it’s random musings by me. I wonder and wonder and wonder till I am wondering if only I live in wonderland. Heh. Yerp, the weng mood strikes. Four hour left to pack my stuff and get away from this cold dull rectangular office (I wish it’s oval, something like the White House. Duh. I am terribly weng).


Fantasies…how we wish we could have them all. Fantasies are Devil’s creation; for us to be lost in that world of perfection we created subconsciously. Power, Wealth, Lust…There’s many more to be mentioned. I strongly agree that the world nowadays is filled with fantasies. Only the strength of faith will make us or break us. How I think I’m lost in that world every now and then (*sigh*).I am just a human, mistakes are my middle name although I do believe in second chances. However, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) once said, “don’t fall into the same hole twice.” I will try not to repeat my mistakes although some of them seem to be repeated more than twice. I guess we make mistakes, we repent, we make promises to ourselves not to repeat them, but the Devil is there, everywhere, every time (in this holy month’s case: our inner devil) to lure us back to that world of temptations. It all goes back to what I’ve mentioned above: our strength of faith. Mine is moderate, even weak, but I keep reminding myself it can be better, if actions are taken subsequently with words before it’s too late to do so (Note: Death or Armageddon).


This is my personal inner thoughts, which never stop generating, from good to bad. I need a reality check once in a while. I guess everyone does. For this upcoming Syawal, I ask for forgiveness for any wrongdoings, wrongsayings and wrongtakings (you get my point). Hopefully by the time this holy month ends, we’ll be prepared to face again the Devil and those oh-so-sweet-but-so-wrong fantasies. Amin.