Faith

I cannot sleep. Again. Do I think too much? I have so many questions need answering. Like I have in my mind now: When is ready is ready? When is enough is enough? Like the question: Am I ready to settle down? Not that I’m saying I’m getting married soon, but I want to get married someday. Will I be ready? Do I have the criterias of a good wife? I define good as in the concept of Islam. I’ve just watched the movie Ayat-ayat Cinta, which conveyed so many moral values it struck me how imperfect I am. Ok, I’m comparing myself to those who embraced Islam so beautifully it made me cry.

So, I am doing a lot of thinking (as usual) of the search of my inner peace. I’m far from perfection, but I really want to be a step closer at a time. I sometimes tell myself why do I commit all the sins although I often write about being better? I guess worldly temptation gets to me most of times. I know that action speaks louder than words, but words are better than nothing right? I don’t mind being criticized for only talk and no apparent actions take place, because I admit I am a weak and fragile follower of God. I love my religion, but I’m still lost in taking the right path of this faith. I love reading or watching how beautiful Islam is without being prejudiced to people and I am sad to see radicals who made people fearful of Islam. I’m sure most people have watched the documentary ‘fitna’ made by a Holland politician (can’t remember his name). That documentary enraged me, but not to the point I want to boycott Holland’s products because to me, there are better ways of showing the meaning of real Islam. Islam is not a religion that avenge. Such as the movie I’ve mentioned. It might not be a perfect movie, but the message deeply resides in my mind, stimulate my thinking, hence the post at 4 a.m.

Sometimes, when I wrote about faith and being better, I felt like I have no rights to talk about it. But, I am a muslim, and like one of my friends quote: If a smoker advises you not to smoke; don’t look at the fact he is a smoker, but focus on the word of advises (Something like that. Hehe). So, there goes another entry on faith and the hopes of becoming a better muslim. And the questions of life need answering. Hopefully one day I will truly understand it. Amin.