Just Sharing.

Just sharing an advise that I think is brilliant (and perfectly timed with the wedding season) :). I think I'm beginning to be happy again. With the help of a handful of awesome people (you know who you are). Have a good weekend everyone!

Marry your best friend (by some random guy on the world wide web)

I am truly amazed that I have the most successful marriage of all my friends -- going strong after fifteen years. Most of my friends are amazed, too, because, growing up, I was the geek who couldn't get a girlfriend. I had almost no relationships until I was in my mid twenties. I got married at 29. I'm now 45 and still deeply in love. Meanwhile, I have seen so many of my friends get divorces and/or grind their teeth through loveless, combative relationships.

What I've noticed about these people is that, 90% of the time, (a) they got married really young and (b) they mistakenly thought that long-term romances work best when when they're based entirely on lust and trivial shared tastes (e.g. "We both like the same bands.")

Sometimes, I hear people say things like, "I've been dating this guy for a year. We get along okay, but sometimes I think about leaving... How do I know if he's 'the one'?" This makes me really sad, because it's SO obvious to me that my wife is 'the one.' Why? Because she's my best friend. Whenever anything good or bad happens to me, she's the person I want to tell! When I need advice, she's the person I run to! When I need to laugh, she's the person I joke around with!

If you don't KNOW that the other person is 'the one,' he's not (or she's not). And though it SUCKS to be alone -- believe me, I know. I was alone for YEARS -- it's better than settling. DON'T settle. You'll STILL be alone. It is very possible to be alone while being in a relationship. Many people are.

(Let me be really clear about what I mean by "don't settle." I don't mean "look for someone who is perfect." No one is perfect. I mean that if you feel luke-warm about someone, he's not the one. If the person you're with makes you continually unhappy, she's not the one. Don't settle for THAT because "it beats being alone." It doesn't. You evolved to think it does. Your brain will continually tell you that it does. It doesn't.)

The other sad thing I hear is "Bill is my best friend. We have so much in common. He's always there for me. We talk for hours. I completely trust him and we have the exact same sense of humor ... but ... I don't know ... the spark isn't there..." 

When I hear this, I don't say anything, because it's none of my business, but I want to scream "GET OVER THIS 'SPARK' THING! STOP BELIEVING IN HOLLYWOOD VISIONS OF CATCHING SOMEONE'S EYE ACROSS A CROWDED ROOM! You found someone you connect with on SO many levels, and you're not getting down on your knees and proposing?!? Do you think you're going to find 30 more people like that in your life?!?" 

The "spark" doesn't last, anyway. I'm not saying that sex dies or anything. I'm just saying that incredibly exciting, new romance feeling inevitably fades. But, if you're lucky, what comes next is much, much better. You spend years in that loving, warm place with the person you know you want to grow old with. And if you have good communication with someone, the spark can come later, even if it's not there at first. 

Lots of people seem to learn this after a long time and a lot of pain. They marry the "bad boy" or the "hot chick" instead of their best friends, because doing so is more exciting. Then those marriages -- which are based on nothing -- fail. Sometimes, if these people are lucky, they later marry those best friends who they should have married in the first place. If they're unlucky, they can't, because the best friends have moved on.

Where True Happiness Lies =)

I want to set a positive tone to this post.

Most people, at one stage (or even more) in their life, goes through hard times, feeling like everything is working against them.

And each time, you will try to pick yourself up, dust off your shoulders and move on. Easier said than done right? Some even falls into depression.

I won't be a hypocrite and say I'm a truly positive person. I fell into the category of "why me" a lot of times. I sometimes envied other people lives and wished I was in theirs instead.

Usually the phase will pass and I will be regretting the so called 'depression' mode that made me an ungrateful and negative person. However, I won't say it's completely a waste, especially in my recent 'dark' times, as it really taught me a lesson or two: this world is indeed temporary. What is real happiness? Nobody has the textbook answer to the question. Putting the ideal worldly definition: To be rich, good looking, have a picture perfect life, yes, some might agree with that. But as a muslim, you should look beyond this life. It's a concept we are all aware of (yes you either go to Paradise or Hell, so make good choices) but do we really get it? We are imperfect, we can't be making good choices all the time (even our intentions are at stake everyday). Hence, we need constant reminder. And Allah indeed knows us best. He tests us constantly, for us to really understand the meaning of life. For us to pass this big exam (like how our tests build up to our final exam) and get the most desired result: Jannah. Allah is indeed the Greatest and loves us all.

So, what do we do when we have tests? We study. And today, so many materials readily available. Facebook, Youtube, Google....all you need is a click away. I used to listen to songs, watch movies, read all the quotes when I was sad. I read the Quran and pray but I admitted it, I don't really dig into the meaning of the ayahs. I felt at ease spiritually but the cycle will repeat when I was tested. Nowadays, I am beginning to appreciate the beauty of Quran and I hope it's not too late for me to really grasps all the words that my Creator is conveying to make me realize that nothing in life is worth being stressed about. And for me to look into Rasulullah S.A.W (peace be upon him) sunnah and behaviors to make me a better person than what I am today. In the end, those are the two most important books for me to pass the final exam. Hopefully Allah keeps on reminding me (all the time) and surround me with positive people, Amin. I hope whenever I'm going through difficulties in life, this post will remind me, that this, shall too will pass :).

"I came back to you because I could not find the kind and decent things I found in you anywhere else" - Rumi

Everyone has a reason to run..what's yours?

Time really flies. Like literally because flying is one of the fastest way to get to places and boom, you're already in the end of first quarter of 2013.

Yes, so many things occurred in the world nowadays. Social Media has never been so imperatives for people to voice out opinions (albeit some of them are blindly done based on emotions or lack of truth) of the current issues. It's ironic when internet should make our lives easier but having too many school of thoughts nowadays make it time consuming to weed the right information to receive.

I still pray everyday for world peace though. God is listening :).

In personal life context, I have a confession to make. I was going through a dark time and getting through the days had not always been a pleasure. I didn't want to appear to be weak to others but I learnt throughout these times that expressing my emotions are my way of dealing with negative feelings. I've been reading a book titled "Happiness in Hard Times" (I know it sounds too literal) but the book was/is what I need at the moment. It tells you to accept all your flaws and your hardships and change the way you think about them. Anything that is beyond your control is not worthy to consume all your time and emotions dwelling in them. And reading other examples of people harder times made me realize that God still loves me and knows my limit of endurance. I needed a wake up call and the book did that for me.

Yes, I still need time to get back and up, walking and running. Talking about running, I completed my first ever 10 km run in less than one and half hour! I used to hate running, but the run was what I needed too. It felt so good :). No wonder Forrest Gump loves running. LOL.

I am putting ego aside, and I want to ask for forgiveness from everyone who was affected by my sombre mood. I vow to myself (and others) that I will try to be happy everyday and keep a positive outlook for life. The best take from these, I feel closer to God than I ever been. There's the silver lining and I hope Allah will always guide me to become a better person Insha'allah. Amin.

Goodbye 2012, Hello 2013 :)

Time for the usual end of year reflection. The virtual coffee shop is re-visited for looking back over the year and writing them on my idle blog.

2012 has proven to be another challenging year (and based on the things written here, an emotional one as well). Eventful.

Love is lost, but I don't lose hope. Whatever I have been through this year, they're all lessons learnt. I am a flawed person, what I can do is lowered my ego to ask for forgiveness for whatever pain I had put anyone in. And for people I love and care about to find their happiness. You can only stand up and try again. Hearts are not made of stone, hence I believe one day they will learn to love again :).

I have been interested in world issues: Israel-Palestine war, America's Election, Malaysia politic scenes, all the shits and wonders (more shits though) that are happening, they are both knowledge enricher and emotional wrecker. Fascinating that how much you can learn from observing and reading on these issues, but also they affected you in a way that you think the world is so screwed up you feel like moving away to an imaginary planet. Yes, empathy had me mad for things I have no control over. Well at least I have one vote to make some small change in my own country. And there are social medias to help out the suffering world. Call me corny, I am an advocate of peace and I believe everyone deserves a voice to be heard, and a chance to live a good life. All you need to do is read and evaluate. All you need is Google.

On a lesser serious note, Bruno Mars Unorthodox Jukebox is my Album of the Year, I have no Movie of the Year (maybe because I haven't watched Life of Pi or Les Miserables), Suits are my Series of the Year (but I also love HIMYM) and Call Me Maybe is my Song of the Year (Ok2, I'm kidding LOL). MU versus Newcastle was the most memorable match of football and Coconut Shake in Klebang Malacca won the Best Food of the Year (It can rival the new thai restaurant at PD Waterfront though).

All in all, 2012 had been one hell of a roller coaster ride. I thank God I have families and good friends to still keep me sane. And I thank God for giving me the strength to still keep a strong and positive front and have faith in HIM.

Keep Calm and Move On.

Bye Bye 2012, and Hello 2013!

Sometimes, Big Girls cry too.

I've been contemplating to write this post but I just have to.

I am facing the biggest challenge Life has ever thrown at me.

And I am drowning. I am not the best swimmer.

As corny as this sounds, I believe Time will heal. And whatever that doesn't kill you, will hopefully make you stronger (and a better person hopefully).

It's time to grow up and be a big girl now.

In the end, I want my life to make sense to me.

I believe HE has a better plan for me Insha'allah :)

Selamat Hari Raya Aidilfitri 2012 :)

Dear God..
Kindly give me patience..
Kindly give me optimism...
Kindly give me good attitude...
Kindly give me love and not hatred...

Humans are full of err... I apologize to anyone whom I ever hurt. Knowingly or not. I know I have issues, I have dark side...but I'm trying really hard here. I just want to live a happy life. And bring happiness to people around me. Life is too short to be an angry person.

In this month of forgiveness, I put ego aside and simply am sorry for my wrongdoings.

And as usual, music reflects what I feel. I hope I can do more good things(and less bad things) in my life!

"I want to say I lived each day, until I dieAnd know that I meant something in, somebody's lifeThe hearts I have touched, will be the proof that I leaveThat I made a difference, and this world will see"

Hi.

I just feel like writing today.

2012 already cross the halfway mark.

I watched HIMYM (one of my fave series) just now where Ted and Marshall (and later Barney) will watch Star Wars trilogy every 3 years and predicted what they will become in the next three years (in career and personal life). And they didn't turn out to be right.

Suddenly I started reminiscing about the past and wondered if I ever make such prediction. Well, I have always expressed that I wanted to travel the world (which I am blessed to do each year since I have graduated) and be able to repay back my mom (which I hope I am able to contribute more and more each year by having a good paying job) but never in personal life. I don't have a cut-off date on when I should get married or have babies because those are very big milestones in anyone's life and I don't want to set any expectation.

And I don't want to do things just because the society expects me to do them. I am kind of a hippie in that sense. A bit rebellious in another term.

I wrote before that I was becoming an angry person. That was months back. Largely due to stress and fear. I still have mood swings every now and then, but I am a much happier person this time of the year. Life seems to be on track, and I am embracing the fact I will embark on that milestone I was talking about earlier. With someone who knows me very well and still want to be with me, despite all my flaws.

Ted, Marshall and Barney might be wrong in predicting their life in three years, but they all ended up with something better.

I hope I will too, by God's will :)