Phony friend? Should you stay or not?

I feel shitty now.
I am super upset.

Have you ever be in this situation: doing your best to control your temper for 5 freaking years; cried, screamed, even swore you will never talk to someone who treats you so bad but ended up forgiving and stay friends, no, best friends with that person? Am I a moron or an angel wannabe who think everyone can change? Optimism sucks big time now. Someone please tell me that.

I guess I left the forgetting part. I don’t forget. Maybe that’s why the anger keeps on resurfacing. One of the main reasons I’ve stayed friend with this A-list a-hole because I think by being able to be patient with his super immature actions and words will enable me to face anything life can throw at me. Every time I’ve cried, I’ve reminded myself that it was nothing. There are worse things out there. It can help me being tougher. True, I did improve in the sensitivity part, but sometimes, I feel when I act cool with all the crappy shitty stuff, people say I am bullied. You know how insulted I am? I bear with all the burden of being someone who tries so phonily to be the ‘nice’ girl when I’ve ended up labelled bullied? Shit, I should have known better. Degrading my dignity makes me suffer.

The worst part of this so-called friendship is I have always cared for him. I always pray he will treat me better. To not ever hurt my feelings again. Don’t get me wrong, I always think of him as my guy best friend. And to so many people amusement (even myself at this point), I’ve sticked with him through all these years. Maybe friendship needs to end at some point. When you no longer feel you are respected. I know respect has to be earned but I think I’ve worked too much for too long for something near to impossible. I am tired.

Oh, hati, tolongla jangan terluka lagi.
Sakit itu Tuhan saja yang tahu.
Orang lain takkan tahu.
Orang lain takkan faham.

Just to share something I’ve found on the net:

How can a friendship goes rotten?

A. By making heart breaking jokes to each other.
B. By betraying the trust of forever watching each other backs.
C. By laughing when friends are crying.
D. By claiming a friend when in need and dumping one when in greed.
E. All the above


These are the series of questions that we have to ask ourselves when we want to decide on turning dishonest and making a friendship rotten! Honesty is the best policy. When you stop being truthful to your friends on your feelings and keep gathering the silent anger, that is when you’re being dishonest in your friendship. When you stop caring on what your friends is feeling, that is a dishonest. When you overly expecting your friends to give the respect that you deserve, that is a dishonest. When we neglect to give the respect to the deserved friends, that is also a dishonest. Dishonesty is what rotting his friendship. If only we all could be more honest on our feelings, be frank when we’re hurt, stop on being selfish and help each other more.

Oh, please comment people. Thank you.