Last Post of the Year

New year resolution: turn up at classes..haha:p

I want to write about frustration and disappointment. Then again, I think being pessimistic is not going to make me a better person. However, I am still going to write about those, but in an optimistic way. Or I hope someone could give me their thoughts on these issues. We face failures in life. In studies, in relationships, in friendships, you name it, the list is endless. We set our aims, and hope to achieve them, but sometimes the obstacles will find their ways to be in that path. Some of us live by the sayings “When the going gets tough, the tough gets going” but some break down and never recover. So, our inner strength and determination are the key aids in facing those down side of life cycle. How do we do that? From sayings? From seeking advises? Or the most profound way, to pray to God we will get through those turbulences. Whatever methods we are using, as long as they work, we’ll get through life obstacles. Even Tom Ford once said, “Failure in an opportunity to start again intelligently.” I guess one can look at failure as a recipe to success. Just look at Albert Einstein or Bill Gates. They were two people who failed but succeed (and bloody rich).

But to mourn over something but yet you don’t change anything about the situation is the recipe to doom ness (I don’t know if this is grammatically acceptable. Duh). Changes are needed. Especially in attitude. I say this because from that one vital aspect, you craft your life and your future. For an example of great role model, please do watch ‘Pursuit for Happyness’. A man determined enough to make us teary eyed and boosted our spirit. It made us realized that we are still fortunate to live in this country, (Note: As a peace lover, I hope all of us will not support any racism or terrorism based activities. Just look at what happened to Benazir. It’s frightening to imagine such situations in my hometown. And to see innocent people get killed). One more thing before I end my notions after quite sometimes (due to some frustrations and disappointments in life, hence this post), every time you are facing difficulties in life, don’t say, “God, I have a BIG problem”, but do say, “Problem, I have a BIG God”. After all, failure and success comes from Him. Anyway, Happy New Year everyone. Hopefully we’ll be better next year.

The Road Not Taken~~

I couldn’t write as often as I wish but when the mood strikes, no matter how hectic my life is, I have to squeeze in the words of my thoughts. Or words of my life. I’ll be having my internship presentation this SUNDAY (don’t ask why, it’s ridiculous but it’s true. Duh). I bought back the materials I aim to do back home last weekend, but I forgot to bring my mp4 connection cable to the pc (blame the short term memory *sigh*). Thus, I spent my weekend lazily eating, watching tv, received guests (:p). Thank you for coming my dearest Mr penoreh getah. It means a lot to meJ. And another BIG thank you to your housemate for saving us from last night nuisance (I know you are reading this, so just tell your adorable Mr ‘Beruk’ I dedicate this post to him:p). Okay, I guess I don’t have to extend writing that part of my life; I’m sure someone somewhere is blushing kot. Ngehehe).

I’m thinking about future. Lots of my friends are taking Petroleum while me and my BFI (:p) are taking the road not taken (Material). Well, I try not to think too much (Damn, I hate this think-too-much attitude) but I always make the decision at the very last minute and I think will do just fine (not excellent, but not too screwed up). Anyway, it’s just a few different subjects right? I don’t think it’s going to bring huge impacts to my life (Well, when it comes to studies, I always have the principle of you don’t have to work yourselves to death and get great results, but be moderate and enjoy lifeJ). Thus, I will try to be contented with my choice (There’s still add and drop for me to change my mind though :p). When the next year is coming to its end, I’m definitely going to reminisce the good ol’ days at the deserted Tronoh. I don’t know about others, but I honestly admit I will miss my university years. A lot. Life where we can take chances, have fun, able to face failure knowing we can always go on and move on without that much of a burden. The fun and easy life. I was the super sensitive cry baby once upon a time, but I think those people taught me to be stronger and to save my tears for something worthwhile. To understand different types of people with attitude that can either put smiles on my face or shouts and tears I am terribly ashamed of. However, despite all that, those are my friends. I am missing them now and look forward to spend my final year with them.

Guess that’s a pre-reminiscent. Gosh, I do feel old when I say all that. But they say with age comes wisdom. That’s the only thing I want to embrace. Together with the salary, and the prospect of a good and happy future. Hehe. I had taken the road I have doubts in 4 years ago. But I don’t have any regret now. Choices craft us into what we are. So choose wisely. Better start preparing for the presentation. Wish me luck people! =)


Robert Frost (1874–1963). Mountain Interval. 1920.
The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveller, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less travelled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20

LOVE.Again. =)

This post is dedicated to Abang Faiz, whom eagerly can’t wait for me to write about the updates of my life. He asked me to talk about LOVE. Again. Haha. So here goes another ranting about love Abang Faiz. Dedicated just for you.:p

Like I said before, talking about love will get you nowhere. Just try reading every article there are about this topic from Google. You’ll be wasting your life trying to define and find the meaning of this four sacred (or cursed) letter. Mostly, they come from experience(s). Well, when you are in love, it’s like it’s just the two of you in the world. Everything seems so right (although there are so many wrong things that you do) and you can’t stop thinking about that other person. The utopia of love. They can drive you crazy. Songs are written just to describe those feelings. You want to experience ‘When I Fall in Love”, “For Once in My Life”. “So Much in Love”, “Wonderwall” and this can lead to “Unfaithful” or “I Hate that I Love You” (Dang, I recalled Rihanna’s songs) and finally to either “I Do” or “First Cut is The Deepest”. Then, you either live happily ever after (with the songs of heartbreaks in between. Come on, life is not a fairy tale) or crying your eyes out and motivate yourself with “I Can Make It Through The Rain” and “Strong Enough” to move on with your life. Yes, songs definitely are a medium of expression. You can tell someone’s feelings through his / her music play list at the moment. Maybe to most people.

You want the happy ending right? But to achieve that, you just have to prepare for all these turbulences in between. Let they be insecurity, commitment phobic, long distance, the list is endless. You try to remind yourself over and over again not to give it all, not to trust someone so much it will endanger your state of mind. But all these quotes about losing your rationality when you are in love seem to make sense. You simply be irrational sometimes. Or most of the times. You try seeking for advises when you have problems in relationship. The cycle is almost the same with most people. Yes, this cycle determines the ending of your love story. For me, as long as it doesn’t involve cheating more than once (or maybe just simply cheating), abuse in any way or showing the wrong path of faith, it can still be saved. Perhaps.

Well, my main reason to write about this subject again is due to my never ending curiosity of love. Or maybe I am simply in love. If I am, I really want to make it lasts long. Marriage perhaps? Insyaallah. I hope this post keeps you happy Abang Faiz. Hehe. Can’t wait for your turn to talk about this topic :p.

For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
Somehow I know I'll be strong

For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Would make my dream come true

For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me
Not like it hurt me before
For once, I have something I know won't desert me
I'm not alone anymore

For once, I can say, this is mine, you can't take it
As long as I know I have love, I can make it
For once in my life, I have someone who needs me

I hope I will always have this feeling. Amin. =)

My DREAM

I want to tell you about my real dream (yes you, anyone who's willingly spend time to read my blog). I guess in a way, blog gives the public a piece of yourself. Maybe you think you are not understood by the world, or simply because you feel writing relieve the burden of having thoughts stored and generated in your hyper active brain, although others seems to suppress them easily somehow. Anyway, sharing is caring. So here I am, giving my brain a break. Thus these thoughts that I’ve been having can be freed to the world by appropriate choice of words. Sometimes I think my musings are rubbish. But when I got comments with positive remarks, they just light up my spirit (and my day). So, blogging is not a waste of time after all (not to me at least). I begin to see that there are many people who are caring enough to share their thoughts and their view of world matters. More over, blogging helps in realizing one of my main passions (or even ambition), which is to become a journalist. A photo journalist to be exact. Photography and writings are the two things I am deeply fascinated about. I know you have to have big talents to be one, but I am contented with my capabilities in both. Yes, surely I want to be better, but I’m taking a little step at a time. I’m not so good in multitasking, so I have to prioritize my studies and my future. Although that future involves things I do half heartedly. So, back to my dream.


Besides my passion in those two, I dream of opening up a café with combination of books, photography and coffee as the main concept. Where their enthusiasts can chill while enjoying things they love. They can read, submit photographs to be displayed and have the best coffee in town. Alas, I know I have to work hard to realize that dream. I will work as an engineer (hopefully a good one), earn money and strike up a partnership with people I trust. When I put my plan into words, it doesn’t seem too impossible to achieve right? So hopefully one day I can wake up, take a sip of coffee, reading my favourite story book while facing the beautiful pictures from my own café=).



Something like this...:)


P/S: If it doesn’t work out, I have to accept that God has planned something else (something better for me). But I will try to have faith (and efforts). Wish me luck! =)

Raya 2007

First Syawal had passed by. Every year, I never fail to reminisce the DAY (or days) into words. No exception for this year. In fact, this year, I can tell about my festive Aidilfitri with the help of photographs. If I’m about to put all the pics in this post, I’m not sure if they can fit the whole page. There are two things about my families (cousins to be exact) people should know. They love cameras, and singing. I think love would be inaccurate. Obsession more like it. Ha-ha. I guess some of those obsessions apply to me too. All right, here goes my Raya story.

Eve of Raya

After hard works of the whole day (anyam ketupat, cleaning up the house, last minute shopping, and definitely last Buka Puasa), this was the night we were all looking forward to. After Maghrib prayers and Takbir, the cameras started clicking away..

This is just the beginning:p (btw, the date on the camera was totally off track. Duh)

This year was more happening than last year because nearly all my cousins, aunties, uncles were back at Rasah, our kampung (it’s a Taman actually) which used to be my home for years and years. I’ve been living in Rasah for so many years, thus to be back there even for a short while brought back all the memories. In fact, me and my cousins love reminiscing of the good ol’ days. How arwah nenek would kejar us with rotan around the house. Me mengaji with nenek with my tears flowing endlessly after been rotaned, arwah atuk with his famous-and-so-sedap-but-during-hujan-only nasi goreng. Gosh, I miss them so much. I pray to God that they will be in the group of solehs and solehahs. Amin.


Erm..big kids who still think they were kids..And the real kid…hehe

So as usual, the bunga api and mercun session. I think us grown ups were more enthusiastic about it than the kids (or we simply took over from them. Haha). I don’t know when this inner childishness will stop but hey, nothing wrong in being a child once a year right (or maybe few times a year :p). And then, a ritual we do every year since the past few years: makan2 at ANW. The only setback was I never really get ALL my cousins to go. Never the less, it was fun, and noisy. Yes, we were bunch of noisy people with poses every time the cameras were around. That’s why we were the center of attention :p. Always. Haha.

Few of many pics we took that night…Yep, more like girls nyte out..Only 3 heroes were there..:p

So we went back, exhausted and very much ballooned (term I used for eating too much: p), gossiped and went to sleep in the living room. A great eve of Raya indeed=).

First Raya

I think this year’s first Raya was calmer than last year, although there were more people. Due to some of us woke up early, thus the fight for toilets were not that gruesome anymore (I think we are maturing with time:)). However, the most awaited forgiving and duit Raya session would always be the best time of Raya (I have like one more Raya before I stop getting duit Raya:( )

The annual Raya pic at Rasah..Not all of us were here though

Then off to Masjid at Kuala Sawah, tok nyang, nek nyang, atuk, nenek graves. Afterwards, the beraya session to houses around Rantau. Again, I was pretty much ballooned. Not forget to mention that in every house that we go, the pictures were always taken. And we would be like jakun people who never see a camera before (Or imagining we were celebrities for a day. LOL).

Rasah’s Beautiful (fool) Girls..haha…;)


Different house, different location, same people...:p

Second Raya

Nearly all the family members were here (Except for some including a baby left in the car by the parents who rushed to get their pictures taken. OMG!)

A picture can tell thousand words. The annual Kawal family gathering was another function we never miss to attend. This year was more or less the same as the previous years (except for the increasing numbers of our family members). To add another good news was we won MOST of the lucky draws (the atuk2 would say, “asyik keluarga Kamariah je.” Sorry atuk2, we just got lucky!:p). Plus, we just found out that our Tuk Nyang (or great tuk nyang..or great2..Haha) was from royal families in Pagar Ruyong. The families had Teuku in front of their names but eliminated it due to fear of enemies…Wuhuu, I had royal bloods. Again, the poyoness strikes. Ahaha.It’s fascinating to hear about your roots and heritage. It makes you value your families more. Basically, this Raya, again, showed me that families are the foundation of my life, which keeps getting me stronger as times pass by. Basically, I don’t think there’s anyone whom I love more than them. Je’taime, moi familia. So there goes my Raya story. I’m looking forward for next raya!:D.

L-O-V-E

Our brain works perfectly well 24 hours a day, 7 days a week...until we fall in love..:p

Have you ever seen a stranger on the road and suddenly you feel the tingling sensation inside? Like she / he was meant for you all these while? Love at first sight, that’s what some experts call the situation. However, in reality, we might call that strong attraction simply an eye candy moment. Where attractive male / female caught your eyes and you felt some excitement due to human nature trait: Fondness of beautiful things in life. Or maybe that someone doesn’t really have a striking look, but attracts you due to your own preferences in the opposite gender. Let it be their height, body type, eyes, smile etc. I am no believer in love at first sight although I am a sucker for romantic movies with those eye-to-eye-then-leads-to-happily-ever-after moments. I am a girl after all. He-he. I think (and hope) I am rational when it comes to the subject of love. Love is very subjective, yes, everyone knows that. Everyone can have their sayings on this matter. My interpretation of love? When he won’t question my actions for my family, especially for my mom. And when he leads me to the right way of faith. I think those two are sufficient enough. Maybe if I’m lucky, I can have those and other additional traits. Hopefully God hears my prayer. Amin.

Then again, sometimes I think I tend to be like most people. When we like the surface, we like to believe that the insides are as perfect as our wish lists. Some of us work hard to achieve that perfection until we realize we can’t force a goat to eat meat. Or like Malay proverb said, “Bagai menunggu kucing bertanduk.” People simply said they fall out of love. I sensibly think there's no such thing. I think we judge too soon, involve too deep, then we realize he / she is not the One. When that occurs, we had already sacrificed our time, money, energy, strength of faith etc. for the dreaded moment: The Break-Up. I might sound harsh or maybe ignorant to those who had experienced the heart breaks of love (My once experience with heart breaks was somehow easy but bitter till now), but I think we can avoid all the hassles if we try to assess our values and wait just a bit longer. And it doesn’t hurt to listen to people who really care for you (Note: Families and Friends).

Like I said, everyone has different opinions when it comes to this topic. Maybe that’s why this topic never bore us; they are everywhere from daily conversations to movies to songs. They all share one aim: To find the meaning of L-O-V-E. Maybe someday we will, maybe we won’t. In the mean time, I will try to neutralize all these ‘maybes’ by having hopes and faith. With a little bit of efforts .I am a believer of love after all. In my own interpretation.This is a quote from someone I find intriguing:

“If it’s the eyes that judge beauty, it will be more to lust. If it’s the heart, it will be more to trust.”

I trust my heart. But hopefully I don't let it overrule my brain=)

Fantasies.......~~~

Okay, it’s random musings by me. I wonder and wonder and wonder till I am wondering if only I live in wonderland. Heh. Yerp, the weng mood strikes. Four hour left to pack my stuff and get away from this cold dull rectangular office (I wish it’s oval, something like the White House. Duh. I am terribly weng).


Fantasies…how we wish we could have them all. Fantasies are Devil’s creation; for us to be lost in that world of perfection we created subconsciously. Power, Wealth, Lust…There’s many more to be mentioned. I strongly agree that the world nowadays is filled with fantasies. Only the strength of faith will make us or break us. How I think I’m lost in that world every now and then (*sigh*).I am just a human, mistakes are my middle name although I do believe in second chances. However, Prophet Muhammad (p.b.u.h) once said, “don’t fall into the same hole twice.” I will try not to repeat my mistakes although some of them seem to be repeated more than twice. I guess we make mistakes, we repent, we make promises to ourselves not to repeat them, but the Devil is there, everywhere, every time (in this holy month’s case: our inner devil) to lure us back to that world of temptations. It all goes back to what I’ve mentioned above: our strength of faith. Mine is moderate, even weak, but I keep reminding myself it can be better, if actions are taken subsequently with words before it’s too late to do so (Note: Death or Armageddon).


This is my personal inner thoughts, which never stop generating, from good to bad. I need a reality check once in a while. I guess everyone does. For this upcoming Syawal, I ask for forgiveness for any wrongdoings, wrongsayings and wrongtakings (you get my point). Hopefully by the time this holy month ends, we’ll be prepared to face again the Devil and those oh-so-sweet-but-so-wrong fantasies. Amin.

Colours

"My main interest in photography is to come back with images that reflect what I saw and the way I saw it" (Chan Bing Fai)

Okay, I’m in the mood of writing. Today, the topic is: Colours of Life. I’m inspired by the photograph shown above.

What/Who colours our life? Family, friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, crushes, money…etc2? They are the reasons you are still living your life right? Imagine you are Tom Hanks, stranded in an island with a coconut as your friend…Hmm...The world would seem so grey wouldn’t it? But that situation rarely happens. Only in movies, or when you do quizzes in magazines (which asked you to choose what items you would bring if stranded in an island…If indeed you are stranded, I don’t think we can choose what we want. That’s why it’s called stranded. As in isolated. Duh)


Those people/things can make your life as colourful as the double rainbows emerging after the rain, or as dark as the nightfall (Still, night has stars and moon, so it might not be complete darkness=p). I’m using analogies I think I understand. If you don’t, you are definitely clueless (or hopeless somehow). Ha-ha. My point is, without those colours, you’re just a blank page, insignificant and forgettable. Do you want your life to be that way ? Thus, search for your true colours, and produce the most memorable painting, even Da Vincci would be proud of.


P.S: By the way, too much colours can give you a headache, but too dark will look gloomy. So, let’s learn how to make a great painting by combining experiences and conscience. Plus, guidance from the ultimate teacher, our God=).




My Ideal Colours Of Life. I want to add more yellow, more white, a bit of grey..but this will do for the moment=)


Additional post:

I feel like portraying what I wrote above. Okay, here are the keywords and the portrait closest in describing what I want my life to be (from my own interpretation)

Red: Love, Love, Love (We all need it :p)
Green: Familia. Mon Amie. They put you at ease=)
Blue: Friends (They are like the skies. They are simply unlimited and they are always with you)
Yellow: Adventures (They brighten up your life)
Grey: Money (They can turn into white / black. Depends on how you use them)
White: Good deeds (How the world needs those. A smile is always a good start)

TRAGEDY(Condolence To Adik Nurin Jazlin's Family)

Are children safe anymore now?(Azli Jamil's Photo)

Are you a human being if you could heartlessly murder an innocent, sick young girl, who supposedly having the time of her life for being a CHILD?

Gosh, the murder of Adik Nurin Jazlin brings such enrage not only to me, but to the country. I do believe that the dead girl is her, because she is such a beautiful girl, even when she’s dead. I could assume that his parents were in denials (who wouldn’t if your child was brutally murdered by some psychopath).

We thought this happens in series like CSI but unfortunately this is a true story. A rude awakening for us not to take the safety of the children (and ourselves) for granted. Now, the Government suddenly realized they have to take strict measures to avoid this kind of tragedy from happening. Please Government, “Jangan sekadar melepaskan batuk di tangga.” I would hate to see the monster that did this get away. So let’s pray to Allah in this Holy month: “May You Help Us Find That Monster and Let Him Be Punished for the Terrible Sin He’s Done.” Amin. I never felt terribly angry at something which isn't directly related to me but this is too much. I really hope I can do something about it. The least I can do is express that anger and hope Justice will be served rightfully.

Who wants to hear or experience bad things in life right? But somehow, we are not living in Fantasy Land. So, please wake up and do something so we can provide a safer and better place for our future generations. Al-Fatihah for the little girl, May Allah Bless Her Tortured Soul.

“Lomhlaba Unzima Lomhlaba”
(This world is a harsh place, this world)

So ClueLess~

I didn't get this at first...then I've read it again...Then I laughed..not because of the cartoon..because of my cluelessness..LOL~

I admit it..I am clueless sometimes~

I just discovered you tube (owh yeah, all the Britney horrendous perfomance can be watched now)...I don't know the ways to make my blogspot fancy (erks..anyone baik enough to ajar?)...I am a bit blur when it comes to new things (especially IT related)..

But I guess I am okay compared those who don't even know at all (itu boleh dikategorikan sebagai orang tua=p)

If you make jokes pn, I might not get it (I think my friends know this..that's one of the reasons they always buli me)..Haha..I suddenly realized that my clueless-ness should be translated into words so maybe one day I will be much fast paced when it comes to picking up things (especially jokes)..

So, I might annoy anyone, or even bring laughter to anyone...But I noe u guys sayang me cuz you think that's adorable..haha..(perasan mode: I will sooo be kutuked by them for this post). Being optimistic won't hurt you right?=)

So peeps, always smile and be happy, although you might be clueless on the reasons you do so. You don't need one=)

"It takes seventeen muscles to smile and forty-three to frown"

Drama~

There's so many fake people around (above pic is perfect in illustrating how people are all actors/actresses. It's how good you are that matters)=p

I want to talk bout nice things during this holy month.....but there's so many bad things are happening I can only pray it won't get worse~

Life itself is a drama...

Perfectly clad people, don't mean their hearts are as pretty as their appearances. Looks can definitely be deceiving. I am trying to teach myself not to be judgemental towards people, but as observant as I've tried to be, I can be totally off the track when it comes to people. I'm sure most people do (except some shrinks or motivationers who claim they understand human beings. Yeah, right).

Sceptical? Yes, to those who believe they understand another human being perfectly well. As much as you claim someone is your soulmate, bestest fren (BFF, BFI, BFH..the IM goes on and on=p), your twin sister, therefore you know their inside out; Well, who knows what's really going on in that brain, or heart? Only God knows. That's why betrayal happens everywhere. From the highest hierarchy of the government to your own family members. Just a reminder for us not to be fooled by appearances, or even attitude, because we are all casts, director even producer of our own drama, where the audiences would be people around you and the Judge would be God.

So, plan the next plot of your story carefully so maybe one day you can have that happily ever after most people desire. (Jgn jadi macam ending Manjalara, Sahara is back?I think it's her twin. Her evil twin. Hehe).

K, I am carefully crafting my words to respect this month, where goodness should be spread (We have sinned the whole year long, it's a lucky break for us to be good for once). So peeps, next chapter: Charities and kindness? Hopefully. Later Alligator!=)

Moi~

My work...Well, I haven't got a new camera..and still learning...But how I LOVE Photography=D~




My fav Photographer, Azli Jamil works, I am so the wowwed by him..


I can't believe I am writing in blogspot now. I guess internship can somehow robbed my used to be hectic social life. Haha. But well, they say changes are for better aite? So here I am, being the same old me, with a modified (hopefully improved) way of telling the world about my side of story.

The kids..I LOVE them although they are childish.LOL.

Moi familia - crazy but making me sane=)

First, I will definitely miss writing in my Friendster blog, it's been with me through laughter and screwiest moment in my life. Thanks to those who willingly(or unwillingly) read my craps and even gave comments. Ceh, macam artis lak..hehe.Anyway, welcome to this new world of ranting. I do LOVE to write, talk, express...especially through words and pictures. I think not many people know who I really am. I can be very NICE, very ANNOYING, very FRAIL, very SENSITIVE, very OPEN MINDED...just if you just get to know the real me. But please, don't try to hurt me, cuz definitely I will write a self hatred memoir especially to you(I did that to my so called BFF once upon a time. Maybe you know who you are.Hehe). But then again, once you're my friend, ull always be one. No matter how terrible you have bullied me..or will continue to. See, I am so baik=p~

Well, I think that's enough for the first entry. It's Ramadan now, so have a happy and blessed month everyone. Remember that life is nothing without faith, so keep your faith strong. All the devils are not around this month, so it's you versus yourself. Good luck mates!=D